New start!

The summer came and went. I was busy relaxing and enjoying this cold summer and I really didn't have time to write this blog. Now I try to start over and this time I want to do it in English. Why? I really don't know. Maybe 'cos I noticed during holiday that it's easier for me to say bad thing in English than in Finnish. So now I try to write like this. I apologize everyone that there will be so many mistakes, because I'm not so good in English, but I hope that people, who get lost on my page, don't care so much of my spelling mistakes. :)

 So. My life is such a mess right now. I feel like everything's wrong. I'm hurting all the time. After few weeks of holiday, I started to feel so fat. I didn't want to go to beach (luckly there wasn't so many chances to do that) or wear shorts because I hate my body. I ate too much and I hated myself for that. And this is disgusting, but I started puking. Nothing more of that, but I still sometimes do that and it makes me feel so sick. My mood changes all the time and now I have felt depressed for a couple of weeks. I started cutting again. Yeh, before that, I didn't even now, what pain is! Now I really do. Again. I hate this. I hate it, how I can be such a mess all the time. My thoughts are killing me! All the time I only think food, cutting and killing myself. I feel so alone all the time and like noone understands me. I really don't wanna be alone. But there's nobody for me. I'm nobody.