My mom

I listen to my mom, when she's laughing at her bedroom. I think she's looking at our cute little dog. And she laughs. We haven't talked to each other for three days. We say "morning", "bye" and "good night" but nothing else. That's really weird. I just can't help thinking: how did we end up like this?

The other day I was talking with my mom about my studies. As usually, she said something that she knows, I get angry about, and so I did again. We end up screaming to each other and when we finally stopped, we both cried and my mom said: "I don't care if you live here anymore or not." Then she took off. That really hurt, you know. And I have the feeling, that I can't forgive it to her. I decided that I'm now going to apologize but of course, when I woke up next morning, I went to apologize her.

 She was just leaving when I woke up that morning. I saw our car driving of our yard. I ran out with just my pajamas on and screamed to mom: "Wait!" She stopped the car, I opened the door and with the tears in my eyes I said, I'm sorry about everything I said and I didn't mean it. Mom looked at me and said, that she can't do this right now. Then she drove away and left my crying to the street alone. I went back to the house and said to my dad that I'm NEVER gonna apologize again. So, here we are.

I'm not usually the type of person, who stays long mad to others. So this is really new to me, that I really am so mad to my mother, that I can't go to her, apologize one more time and talk about this with her. I just can't. Mom asked me, when we were fighting, that what in my life is really so bad. I started to think that, but I can't answer. I don't know. I can't name one thing that really is wrong with my life here. I just feel sad all the time, I want to cry, I can't sleep and I want to cut or throw up. I can't say to mom, that nothing is really wrong, I'm just depressed again. I know, she can't handle it again. So I just don't answer her and she gets that look on here face "that's what I thought". I don't know, what I'm going to do with this right now. Maybe I just let the time go by and see, if something is going to happen. No I go to sleep. Night! xx