OMFG!!

... that was my feeling when I saw how much my weight is. Seriously, I've never been this heavy and I knew it, but I would never believed that it's so much... I really need to start working out. I bought my diary today, I haven't (yet) eaten anything "bad"  and well not exercised eather. But as soon as I'm finished with this post, I'm going to do some WII- exercise. I have to start somewhere, hu? So yeh, I freaked out a little bit about my weight but I have my limits. I remember that one time I swore that I'm not gonna get weight over 70kgs. Today's the day to start really hard keeping that promise, because weight today (about 1.30PM): 69,9kg!! No I really feel like a fat person....

Tomorrow it starts

Whoa, I'm here today for a second time! Yeh, I'm a little bit nervous about tomorrow. At first thing in the morning I'm going to the scales to see my weight. I really am scared. I know I haven't been this fat ever and I don't really wanna know how much do I weight, but I really have to do this. After school I go to the book shop and buy a notebook. This idea actually came from the Bridget Jones's diary-movie. I'm going to write to that book at least once in a week. I can't promise everyday, it would be too often for me, but at least once. And I will go to see my weight EVERY week and I will write it down. I will write about how much I have or haven't exercised (really hoping the first one), what I have eat (not all but the bad things) and of course the bad drinks I have been drinking. Of course I will try to write here too. :) No I go to bed, try to catch some sleep and be really terrified 'bout tomorrow. Night! xx

Very long time no seen! (and changing my life!)

I'm so sorry, I haven't had time to come here and write. I've been so busy with my finals, but now they're FINALLY over! <3 I haven't had time to try to lose weight... Yeh, I think I haven't EVER been this heavy. So I made a decision: starting tomorrow, I'm really gonna do everything I can to lose weight. I have a real target now. I hope I'm going to graduate at spring. So on my graduation day I want to be thinner than now. I want to have a nice dress that fits me and doesn't make me look fat. So I can't be fat. I want to be beautiful and not deppressed. So tomorrow my new life starts. Here it is:

1. Lose weight

2. Exercise at least four times a week

3. Eat healthy

4. Cut of the snacks

5. Alcohol only once in a week (if party, this I can't give up)

6. Candy and other stuff once in a week if must have!

7. Abs EVERYDAY

8. Be happier, positive thoughts

9. Stop cutting

10. Smile and laugh! :)

Yes, I'm trying to change my life and this time I'm gonna do it right. I think I should start with my mind, but I don't have time to do this step-by-step things so I do it all at once. Healthy mind healthy body, or something like that. This girl is going to be happy again (and thin!) xx

I always en up envying someone

A short post before I go to sleep.

I just ended up watching other peoples blogs. I'm just so jealous to them. Not because of the followers, but the perfect life they seem to have. The one blogger I was watching today. Yeh, she was perfect. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, she's skinny and she has a perfect looking boyfriend and they have an amazing relationship. I envy her and can't stop thinking: "why am I not beautiful? Why I have to be this fat? Why I don't have a cute boyfriend who I love with all my heart?" With these thoughts (and crying inside, because I know I will never be beautiful, skinny or have a really cute and nice and perfect boyfriend and that I can't never find love) I go to sleep. xx

I don't belong here anymore

I came home from our summer cottage about an hour ago. I drove alone to our yard and looked our house. It didn't feel like home anymore. I came in, looked around - everything was normal. Everything was just the same as when I left the house on Friday. I just didn't feel like coming home. I just came to some house.

Now I have been here about that one hour. The place is same, but something feels wrong. Maybe it's that I'm alone and the house is so quiet. Or maybe I just have changed.